Letters

A selection of visitors letters are published below. From December, we will be looking at some of the Personal Problems that have come into our postbag. Thank you for your suggestions and contributions, particularly your comments regarding the layout of this website. We pay close attention to your views. If you have something to say, e-mail: enjoyingenglishinchina@yahoo.co.uk. Write 'Letters' in the subject box.

Has your relationship run its course? Here's how to tell.

Problems with relationships are a regular feature in our post-bag. This advice appeared in the advice column of a leading UK newspaper recently, and is reproduced here in full.

Like hot summers, often look better from a distance. Just as you forget how draining a muggy day can feel, you also forget how soul-destroying and lonely a relationship can feel when it's not going well.

“So just end it,” right? It's never as simple as that. Most of us have experienced that dilemma of not knowing whether to walk away from a relationship. You think that you're being too picky, you worry that no-one else will love you this much, you don't want to hurt someone you care about, you fear regretting it and not being able to win them back. You've stayed in relationships for those reasons, right? Yep, so have we.

But these alone aren't good enough reasons to stay in a relationship that isn't working. Ending a relationship can be heartbreaking, even if you're dying to get away. The blissful future that you'd imagined when you first got together is now not going to happen. Thing is, is you're unhappy, that blissful future wasn't going to happen anyway.

If you’re experiencing a few of these 20 signs regularly, it may be time to move on. It will be difficult, but ultimately it'll be the right thing for you both. Life is too short (and your partner's life is too short) to waste valuable years on a pairing that's going nowhere.

1. You’re always craving time alone

It’d be weird and needy to want your partner by your side every minute of every day. It’s normal to look forward to some time alone. But if you’re craving me-time and wish that he or she wasn’t around, it's clear that your relationship is giving you more frustration than joy.

2. You don’t go out together any more

Even if you’re living together, you should never stop going on dates together. A successful relationship is based on more than sex and silently watching the telly together.

3. You prefer seeing your friends to seeing your partner

A good relationship involves socialising with and without your other half. Not wishing that you lived with your housemates again rather than your lover.

4. You’ve stopped having sex

Sex drive can dip for many reasons, including stress or medication. But if you just stop fancying your partner, and sex becomes a chore or stops altogether, listen to your alarm bells.

5. You’ve stopped touching each other

Touching isn’t just about sex, it’s about affection and togetherness. Casual touching, hugging and holding hands are the signs of a healthy relationship with two people who still fancy each other. If you flinch when he or she brushes against you, it really is time to get out.

6. You’ve stopped kissing

Passionate kissing is emotionally more intimate than sex, so it’s often the first thing to go when two people start drifting apart. If you want to kiss each other but just haven’t got round to it for a while, pucker up. If you don't enjoy it, see above.

7. They no longer make you laugh

Their witty lines once made tea came out of your nose. These days you just wish they’d shut up. Why are you still with them, pray tell?

8. You don’t chat

Chatting – about trivia, what’s in the news or what happened at work – is the bedrock of a good relationship. When you stop talking to each other about the little things, it’s a sign that you don’t see each other as friends any more.

9. You’re always nit-picking

If you’re constantly bothered by their coffee-slurping, their taste in pants and everything they do, you’re not in love, you're in a constant state of “argh”. That's not trivial: it's the kind of everyday stress that can damage your health.

10. They're always nit-picking

If your partner seems constantly irritated by you, it suggests that they're not happy or even comfortable around you. They may be wanting out, but haven’t the courage to bring up the subject. If he or she makes you feel that you can’t do anything right, do you really want to be around this person?

11. You do all the chores

Every long-term couple has disagreements about housework and other chores, but the squabbles usually end in vague equality or compromise. If your partner treats you like a doormat, show them the door.

12. You don’t care about your appearance

Love doesn’t mean letting yourself go. If you no longer care about whether he or she fancies you or not, it spells trouble for your sex life – and your relationship.

13. Red letter days are forgotten

Anniversaries, Valentine’s Day and so on may seem trivial, but a loving couple will acknowledge them in some way, even if it’s with a scribbled note saying “V-Day is rubbish, let’s spend it in bed.” Once you forget each other’s birthdays, your relationship is so far past its sell-by date that even a dog wouldn't eat it.

14. You’re doing all the giving (or all the getting)

Most relationships go through stages where one person is more emotionally and sexually generous than the other, but the imbalance should not be more or less permanent. Parasites don’t make good partners.

15. You’ve stopped liking yourself

A lover is not supposed to make you feel unloved, unattractive and unable to be yourself. If yours does, get out and stop letting them sap your spirit.

16. Your friends think they're bad for you

Your friends know you best, and they’ll say what they think if it’s for your benefit. If they think your partner is no good, listen. They’ll be there for you when he or she isn’t.

17. You compare them with other men or women

It’s natural to find other people attractive, but not to compare your lover unfavourably with every person who catches your eye.

18. You look up your exes

It’s fine to be friends with exes, and it shows maturity. But if you seek out and flirt with an ex, then you arrange to meet up with them, and find yourself wondering “what if…?”, your current relationship is doomed.

19. You wish they'd change

Once the rose-tinted early months have passed, mismatched personalities become more obvious. You can’t change your partner into someone better suited to you. Instead, find someone who’s already your perfect match.

20. You say “I love you” but don’t mean it

Do you feel a little knot of guilt whenever you say it, as though you’re lying? Do you only say it to make them shut up and go away? Then stop saying it, and start spending more time with someone you really love – starting with yourself.

XP - (Qingdao, Shandong Province - 2009.05.19) I am a student from Hubei province where my older brother now runs the family farm, where my little brother and sister are at home with my mother. My grandfather died last October, and my father died after the Spring Festival. We used to be such a happy family, but now I don't know whether to continue my studies, or return home. I feel confused, angry, loney and isolated. What can I do? LXP, I understand your feelings. Although you probably are not aware of it, you are going through the grieving process. It affects people in similar ways, but not always at the same time or in the same order of events. It can also last much longer than people realise - perhaps as much as two years.

It is bad enough to lose one family member of friend who is close to you. To lose two in a short time, is a double blow and shock. Obviously it affects family relationships and your deepest personal, private feelings. They usually include, shock at the sudden loss of a loved one, a sense of longing for someone who is no longer there for you or your family, lonliness, isolation, anger - and even hatred that someone who said they will love you forever has suddenly gone, and left you with problems that you could have well done without.

'Time is a great healer', they say. And it's true, however bad things may feel. You need to be able to give your family help and support when you can. You also need to share your feelings with others - certainly your older brother and perhaps a close friend who is distanced from your family. In time, your roller-coaster emotions will subside. Pleasant memories of you grandfather and father will return, and your life will be normal.

Your best support probably lays in trying to focus on your studies and aiming for a financial rewarding career. You may be able to help at home during vacations, or you may need to find vacation employment to cope with family finances, including the fees you need for study. There are many ways to do this, and there should be support or advice centres at or near your college / university. Good luck, and let us know how you get on.

LJP - (Shanghai - 2009.05.08) England is a multi-national country. How many languages are spoken? Hello LJP - There are no official statistics giving a detailed breakdown of how many people in the UK have English as their second language. But a survey of 850,000 students in London schools carried out by Education Authorities in 1998-99 discovered that more than 300 different languages were spoken by London schoolchildren.

In 2001 the Department of Education commissioned a report looking at the needs of children whose first language is not English, focusing on barriers to employment, education and training. It reported; 'There are no reliable data on the number of people living in Great Britain whose first language is not English. This causes serious problems with the planning and delivery of education and training provision...At least 3 million people in the UK were born in countries where English is not the national language.

The Office of National Statistics has now recognised the demand for information on the linguistic diversity of the UK. In April 2008, it announced that a language question will be included in the 2011 census.

In 2003, the Central Office of Information was commissioned by the Department of Work and Pensions to outline the key ethnic minority languages. They were found to be: 1.Bengali, 2. Punjabi, 3. Gujarati, 4. Urdu, 5. Arabic, 6. Chinese (Cantonese), 7.Somali, 8. French, 9. Polish and 10. Tamil. Answer from Stephen Robinson, London.

LF (Beijing - 2009.04.29) Your work has been with students, Government projects and private business. Private companies probably pay more money and are more profitabable. Is that where you prefer to work? Hi LF. It is true that private companies pay more, about 3 times that of government enterprises. The main area of interest with our work is clearly defined elsewhere, and the reasons that drive us.

It is important for us to be able to provide help and assistance wherever it is needed, as long as it is within the law. To fund our projects and initiatives, we need to be able to raise money to pay the bills. Private work for companies which have aspirations of trading internationally, are just one of several sources of income.

It is satisfying to see students and businesses improve their situation and that of their friends, employees, and so on. However, our favourite actvity is to be 'on the road', with live presentations to large audiences of students. It is exciting and invigorating, but tiring. The latest presentation for students is 'Enjoying English ~ The Experience'. Contactus for information.

LP (Beijing - 2009.02.28) You have a good section of some of English history, which is very interesting, but not much about China. Can you change this? To non-Chinese, the History of China during The Revolution, is complex and confusing. Often judgements are made based on mis-conceptions, mis-understanding and ignorance of the situation in China under the Emperors. This is especially because over it's history, China has been closed to the west.

We have changed this with the addition of 'China 1911 - 1979' . We have attempted to make China's recent historical development more comprehensible by presenting a summary of some of the key figures and historical events. Hundreds of links allow visitors to explore aspects in more detail. With reference to Chairman Mao's leadership, Chinese people say, somewhat philosophically, that he was, ' 70 percent right...30 percent wrong.' I'll leave it at that and let you be the judge. Alan Cooper. March, 2009.

LWD (Anhui Province - 2009.01.23) My colleagues and I were amazed to read your plans on 'An Over-view' with The Red Dragon International Partnership. Do you have plans to help in my province, and how long do you think it will be before there are developments? Our likely launch point is expected to be in Henan Province, 100km or so from Xinyang, as that is where we have supportive contacts. However, nearby Anhui is another possibility, and like many rural areas in China, is in a similar position economically.

As for the time-scale, it depends on the reaction and commitment from Education Authorities locally, in Beijing and London. Although London is primarily concerned with reltionships and co-operation between universities in the two countries, we hope that they will prepare the groundwork for discussions between Red Dragon and the Central Government in Beijing.

If agreement is reached, and a Pilot Scheme (Trial) is successful, we would expect the scheme to be expanded in two years time; i.e. 2011-2012, with a period of negotiation and preparation during May / June, 2011. Thanks for your comments... we will let you know.

DXD (Gansu Province - 2009.01.21) I am studying Geography at ??? teachers university, but would like to conider a career in Conservation. Can you help me find more information please. First, thanks for your message. Environmental & Conservation issues are becoming more important in the world. I suggest that you make job-searches through some of the sites that you'll find on STUDENT LIFE 1, or contact your local / provincial Environment Agency for information.

Secondly, other students have made similar remarks. We have added a 'Conservation' section to the ENVIRONMENT page. It give an indication of the type of issues Conservationists face in the UK, Europe and United States. The topic is so vast, our information is by no means exhaustive, but we will attend to updating it regularly. Keep in touch.

SC (Guandong Province - 209.01.13) I have met a boy on the Internet and we have fallen in love. We have been chatting for several months, since I returne to college last September. But we live a long way apart - I am in the south and he is a long way away in Xi'an, Shaanxi Province. What can we do to complete our happiness? The Internet is useful for many things; finding information, study, broadening your horizons and making friends through Chat rooms, but 'falling in love', I don't think so.

Think for a minute and look at things in perspective and reality. You presumably have never met this boy. How well do you think you know him? Is he telling you the truth - or for that matter, are you? Whatever you may think, it is likely that you know very little about 'the real boy', although I don't doubt you feel pleased that he has paid you some attention.

I am not suggesting that Internet friendships are necessarily bad, but in the majority of cases, they are simply that - just friendships. It is very difficult to maintain contact or relationships with friends over a long distance and without physical meetings. You also have to be aware of the unpleasant fact that here are sometimes people working the Internet who have wrongful, illegal or subversive intentions.

I draw your attention to Advice on Using the Internet on EdWebs, and the story at the bottom of this page, which is causing concern in the UK and that we have published as 'A Warning'. This is probably not the advice you would hae hoped to receive, but I make no apologies. Forget 'Love on the Net'; keep chatting and making friends, but when you are looking for love, be more realistic and look closer to home. It may not happen overnight, and probably not the first time round ~ but it will happen, one day.

XC (Taiwan), LX (Tibet) & others recently I/We are surprised that there is little on your website about the current situation in...sic my country. It would be better if you reported the situation as it exists here. Thank you all for your comments. First, we are not a news reporting agency. Our aims are to provide students with access to resources which will help their studies, promote international understanding, and harmonious relationships. News items on World News, Changing China, China Today and Focus pages are, we think, of general interest to students in and outside China, and have relevance to those considering travel or study abroad.

Second, it is extremely difficult to find information of general news from Agencies which is accurate, or not politically bias. Even the BBC is guilty of this kind of reporting in some of its reporting on China and other countries.

Third, we have undertakings not to promote political or religious activity, beyond explanation of different systems and festivals. Our opinion and practice is one of...'If in doubt...leave it out.' Sorry if that doesn't satisfy you, but it is the way it has to be in accordance with our Mission Statement, Aims & Objectives.

WL (Shandong - 2008.12.24.) I am a filial son, and love my parents, but I am worried that my education interferes with my traditional duties. What should I do? This is a very common question WL, and is one which is the result of changing opportunities and expectations as economies grow and countries develop. Traditionally in China, just as it was when I was a boy in England, children had obligations to take care of their parents as they became older, and less able to look after themselves. It is a problem too, that becomes more serious as age expectancy becomes longer. There are several points to consider.

Your parents made a decision to give you the opportunity to attend college - something they would never have been able to do in their wildest dreams when they were young. Parents usually want the best opportunities for their children so, therefore, I think it follows that your first obligation is to strive towards your own goals, which are also theirs.

You will have to look at where the best opportuniities are for your own future; a town or city far away probably. It doesn't mean that you abandon your responsibilities, but the 'management' of parents in old age, will necessarily change. The government is making preparations to better care for an aging population, in terms of care and social benifits. It's a daunting problem. Sometimes, other family members have to accept responsibilities which would normally have been borne by others. It may even be necessary for the family to have to pay others in the community to assist with parental problems. A more commnity based care system, which probably already exists in most districts and villages.

Two facts are certain. 1 - circumstances change, and solutions have to be found. 2 - it is unreasonable to expect parents to leave their roots, where they have worked, lived their lives and have friends and family, to move to a strange and unfamiliar environment in a city far away.

LFZ (Henan 2008.12.15) I am a sophamore at ???university and really like a boy in my class. My parents have made great sacrifices for me to be able to study at university, and would be angry if they knew I had a boyfriend. Should I ignore my feelings and devote my time to study, or should I make my feelings known to him? Boyfriend / girlfriend relationships have changed even in the few years I have been in China. This is probably due to a shift from Traditional and Cultural thoughts to influence which have been absorbed from western cultures.

When I first came to China in 2000, it was rare to see boys and girl holding hands or kissing in the street or parks. I remember hearing comments such as...'She has no face' - although I can't see why all the blame should be put on the girl. Thoughts of sleeping together were taboo (sacred or banned).

Your parents were young once, and undoubtedly had similar feelings, although their situation was different. They probably know already that you have an attaction for a boy. They will notice changes in your dress, behaviour or attitude when he is mentioned, and such like.

It is a question of balance. You can have a deeper friendship, if that happens. When cupid's arrow strikes, our world sometimes turns upside down. Choose activties where you can intergrate with your friends through study, sports, interests and other activities. Don't neglect your studies or career goals. Don't ignore your class or dormitory mates, and be mindful of your parents feelings. By that I mean that you should avoid confrontation with your parents on your frienship, until the time is right. It would only cause upsets. So, go for it and enjoy yourselves, but be prepared for disappointments.

LK (Guiyang, Guizhau Province 2008.12.11) I have a terrible secret. I am 21 years old, at a university thousands of km away from home. My family have traditional values. Although I am healthy, active and doing well in my studies, my personal relationships are confused. I have frienships with girls, but my best friend is a boy a year older than me, and we are very close. I am terrified that my parents will find out that I am gay. I think they will disown me. Hi LK... disown you they will certainly not, because you are their son. There is a blood-bond, which means that whatever problems are thrown at families, solutions and acceptance of situations will be found. I think that I am right in saying that China is one of the few countries in the world where gay relationships have never been illegal.

I read recently, that during the wars before 1949, men to men relationships in the Army were common. They were not necessarily approved of, but largely ignored. It is also a fact that 1 in 4 men feel some kind of attraction to other men at some time durng their lives, for different reasons.

In Europe, gay relationships are as acceptable as hetero-sexual ones. It is not the same in some states in the US. It is very likely that your parents already suspect you have deep affection for another boy. Parents and their children seem to have a sixth sense, where personal worries are concerned.

The best advice is that if your relationship is mutually loving and caring, which is trusting, dignified and respectful; there is no reason why it should not continue. Your friends will accept you for what you are like as a person - not your sexuality. The important point is, that your frienship and actions should not cause embarrassment or harm to others. Your relationship is a personal, and private matter.

LP (Shaanxi 2008.12.07) My classmates find your website very informative and interesting. The new format is clearer and easier to use. On the old website (.com), there was a Discussion Forum. Are you having a Chat room in the future? Thanks for you message. This is the first we have received that refers to visitors who used the old website. Discussion Forum? Chat room? - I'm afraid not. We have legal and moral resonsibilities to protect our student's interests and well-being, especially as we now receive a small number of younger visitors. To be able to do that, we need to be have tightly control what is accessible to visitors and what isn't. There are however, many readily available facilities from QQ to YOU TUBE and My Space, which are in a better position to offer the things you may need. Do I have QQ? - No! I'm afraid I don't have time, but we look forward to receiving students comments and opinions.

ZG (Hefei - Anhui Province - 2008.12.01) Your website is very interesting. Information on the Sudent and Enjoying English pages are very helpful. There is lots I didn't know on the Culture pages, and it is very funny. Ha. ha. Thank you ZG. Your comments are encouraging. We hope to be able to continue to offer help, advice and useful sources of information. We also hope that 'Enjoying English - Problems Solved' will be published in English / Chinese by the summer of 2009 as a dual language publication.

LX (Deyang - Sichuan Province - 2008.11.26) My classmates and I visit EE2008 every weekend to see what you have updated. EdWebs and WWW have some useful links which have been helpful with our studies. Excellent news LX. That's exactly what we hope to hear. Spread the word and keep us informed. Why don't you become a Correspondent? Regards AC.

Amber (Sichuan Province - 2008.12.19) Hello Alan. You still make me laugh, and I can imagine you and your Team with students as I read your work online. I remember when we worked together in 2003 / 4, you used to say either, 'I know everything!' or sometimes, 'I know nothing. I'm only a peasant teacher!' Good luck with your projects and adventures. Thanks Amber. Very memorable experiences and great fun with wonderfully motivated students. We'll try to get down during the summer with our new presentation, 'Enjoying English - The Experience'. We need a rehearsal!

XP (Shijiazhuang - 2008.10.07) Alan, when are you returning to China, and why is it taking so long to answer letters? Apologies - pressure of time and the amount of work anaswers the second part of your question. Plans are in place for me to return to China after the Spring Festival, mid/late February, 2009. Many aspects have to be considered, such as taking into account my mother's health and welfare, as she is apporoaching 90 years old. We also need to examine carefully how best to run the business, making the best use of Tax incentives from the British Government to be able to increase our help to schools in rural China. It's a long and time-consuming process.

LL (Tianjin - 2008.08.15) Why are so many people, particularly foreigners, interested in helping Chinese students? People on The Team are mostly professional people who have been associated with my work in China in one way or another. Older foreigners like myself, have enjoyed working with Chinese students over many years. We have respect for the Chinese people, their Culture and Traditions. It's a way of utilising our skills and experience for the benefit of students worldwide, apart from actually teaching. Similarly with younger Chinese people on The Team - it offers a way of helping the future development of their country... a kind of repayment for the opportunities that have been available to them through their experience of further education. 'Guanshi' in reverse, just about sums it up!

ZXF. (Henan - 2008.06.21) Why should foreign companies be interested in supporting 'Enjoying English'? This relates directly to methods of fund-raising* and commercial exposure in China, which is the fastest developing country in the world.** Our site is visited by an increasing number of people daily. There are potentially more than 15million student visitors in China alone, engaged in college or university education The market potential in everything from toothpaste, washing powder, clothing, sportswear to automobiles is enormous. Their sponsorship of our website brings their products and a wealth of information to our visitors at the 'click of a button'. Our rates are very attractive for long-term sponsorship, and maintainence by us is very cost-effective, allowing us more time and money to concentrate on our objectives.

* I have been a Member of the Institute of Charity fund-raising Managers since 1988.

** Although the world is in an economic depression, China's development is still reasonably strong. see China Today and UK Today

Does she like me? We receive a large number of letters particularly from boys, asking questions about personal relationships. We're looking into these problems, but have to be certain that we offer the best possible advice from 'experts'. One of the most frequently asked is 'Does she like me?' or 'Does she fancy me?' For a start, here is some general advice about 'body language'.

Amy Spencer

It’s no secret that people spend a large portion of the time they spend with a date wondering, Does this person like me? And while you would think the signs would be clear, all to often they’re not. Even if your date has been smiling or listening intently, there are many signals your date may send that give away what’s really going on. Here are some of those subtle signs that, at first glance, might seem like nothing…but could mean there’s a real connection and raging chemistry between you two.

Your date says your name more than usual.
Maybe your date says your first and last name, like, “So, Michael, you up for a night cap after dinner?” Or maybe your date says just your first name three times, like “Sarah, Sarah, Sarah”. Either way, it can be a sign that your date feels so much chemistry, he or she can’t help but connect with your closest possession: your name. But only if they say your name in an enthusiastic way - not in a flat tone like an old school teacher. “Saying someone’s name is like a sign that you’re testing the magic you’re feeling, because you almost can’t believe they’re real,” says body language expert Patti Wood. “It also subconsciously creates immediate focus from the person whose name is said,” says Wood, which is more proof of the chemistry: If someone is into you, he or she wants your full attention.

Your date squints at you.
When one person fancies another, they’ll give each other a sweet little squint, usually followed by a smile, or briefly sticking out their tongue. What gives? It’s an unconscious bit of body language that shows the person is searching for more info about you. “Squinting is typically a gesture of searching deeper into something or testing it,” says Wood. “The same way you’d squint at a diamond to see if it’s real, squinting shows you’re focusing harder to be sure it’s not just a mirage.” And that, she says, is a great sign. That coy little spy tactic shows that your date likes you so much, he or she is looking more closely to see if you could possibly be as great as you seem. (Obviously you are!)

Your date asks the “why” and “how” questions.
During dinner conversation, any polite date will ask you factual things about your family like, “So, do you have brothers and sisters?” So it’s not necessarily a sign they feel chemistry with you. It is a sign of chemistry, however, if they delve deeper and ask more probing questions. As in, “So, how did you get interested in trade and economics anyway?” And “Why did you decide to move all the way down south?” That’s one of the ways Jennifer Lewis, 29, first noticed that she and her current boyfriend were clicking. “He asked questions about my family; not just the same old questions but things like, “What are your parents like?’ People on first dates don’t really ask these kinds of questions unless they have some intention of meeting them some day.” These challenging questions are a strong sign that the person you’re with is seriously interested in you and not just making polite chit-chat.

Your date gets quiet midway through your time together.
Rather than taking your date’s silence as a sign your date has lost interest, it could actually be the opposite: Your date may be feeling such a pull toward you that he or she is lost in thought about it. “Sometimes, a person feels such a strong attraction that instead of nodding and following the conversation, he or she is just contemplating you,” says Wood. So the next time your date seems to have missed the whole end of your story, don’t cast the person off too quickly. If you really can’t be sure whether their distraction is a bonus or a sign of boredom, go ahead and ask them. “Say to your date, ‘Hello.., where did you go?’” suggests Sharyn Wolf, author of Guerilla Dating. “If they say, ‘What are you talking about?’ or act defensive about paying attention, that’s not a good sign. But if they grin back at you and say, ‘Sorry, I guess I got distracted,’ that can be a great sign. It shows they may have been imagining a future outing—or just a future--with you!”

You hear “you’re” a lot.
If your date says to you, “You’re great” or “You’re so funny” or “You’re so cool!” or “You’re something else…” then you’re very lucky! Personalising your admiration or approval of a date means a lot; it’s a strong sign of attraction, while statements like, “That’s great” or “That’s funny” don’t mean as much. Using the word you means that the person feels chemistry with you, versus just liking on your story-telling skills.

Your date gives you a token of the evening.
If your date gives you something you can hold onto and look at later, chances are they’re feeling chemistry. Jennifer’s date once picked up a pack of matches from the restaurant they were in and said, “Here, for you.” He didn’t say, “Something to remember me by” or “So we’ll always remember this night,” but that, in fact, was the underlying message. It’s a sign that your date wants you to have something to remember him or her by…because clearly this person will be remembering your date as a great one.

Amy Spencer writes for Cosmopolitan, Real Simple, and other publications.